What was that line about the road to hell and the best intentions?

Whoops.

Ok yeah I suck.

I have only really slacked off on the blogging, though.

No, honest.

Three of the founders (My wife had to work) and one of our dedicants (Who I am mentoring) sat down to chat on the local independent radio station on Friday night. A show runs there every week called "The Witching Hour", so we went to talk about who we are and what we do (which we had done once before shortly after starting up), to try and dispel some rumors we had heard about through the grapevine, and to talk about our journeys through our own initiations, and to check up on my "pupil", at his halfway mark, and get the input from a non-founder. You can listen to it at our website, www.idgaf.ca, and a link is there.

We've also been doing guided meditations on a semi-regular basis from Christopher Penczak's Inner Temple of Witchcraftv using the audio tracks that come with, (and then a generic meditation from the Shamanic Temple, which counts you down and then just plays a drum beat.) My inner temple has undergone some interesting... renovations, once because of a certain deity more or less blowing it up. (Don't be lazy with change when dealing with Odin. Protip.) The second time, me "blowing it up" in preparation for another period of change. I haven't been back yet. It'll be interesting to see what awaits me there now.

Work is wearing me down pretty thin, these days, and I had actually intended to write a way more interesting blog post two weeks ago--but I spent the whole weekend fixing my stepmom's computer, and then my own, which both hilariously/not at all hilariously suffered hard drive failures within the same 24 hour period. (Both macs, hers 8 years old, but mine not quite a year and a half.) Bleh. Naturally, I have no sweet clue what the hell I was going to write about then.

I didn't get a chance to blog, but I got my athame I had commissioned from a local blacksmith. It ended up being more affordable than I had hoped, and I am madly in love with it.

That's all I have for now!!!

Turning the Wheel

We celebrated Samhain with a bang this year. We always do something, if we're not away, but this year we did a fairly planned ritual, and invited a bunch of good friends to join. We made poppets, and buried ourselves in effigy to "lay to rest" a part of ourselves that no longer served. My coven dressed in robes with eerie face paint to play spectres of death, silently joining us on a winding path into the woods and our spot there. We celebrated afterward with a feast of finger foods and snacks. All in all, it was a lovely night. I feel like my focus was more on "running" the ritual and keeping to my part, more so than participating in the intent of the ritual, but that's OK with me. I think of it as a worthy small sacrifice, that maybe this ritual was more for others than for myself. It was a ton of fun and looked awesome, and went off mostly hitch-free. Can't say fairer than that. 

The clocks went back Sunday morning (we observe DST here). The change is an abrupt and jarring one, going from dusky in the morning when I leave for work, to sunny (for now) and it is now dark when I leave. This means I take the bus in the evening now rather than walk, which sadly robs me of a good chunk of my physical activity every day. (My walk takes me through a less than great neighbourhood. I won't travel it alone after dark.) 

The change is a forced reminder that Samhain is the end of fall, that the darkness we celebrate is not just death, not just the memory of those who have gone before, but the coming months of dark with the turn of the seasons.

I have a love/hate relationship with winter. 

I hate being cold, hate a runny nose and burning cheeks and everything hurting for 20 minutes after I've come inside as blood returns to chilled limbs. I hate dragging under the weight of boots and a heavy coat. I hate getting on the bus the morning to go to work on a day to supposed to storm, knowing I may get stranded, may not get home til 3 hours later than I should, knowing I should be home safe and warm. I hate Christmas, a new development. I hate commercial Christmas. Carols start playing here November 1, all the stores are already waving signs in my face reminding me that my love is quantified by how much I spend on my loved ones. 

But I love the pure silence and dark of a night where snow is falling, glittering on the grass, under the streetlights. I love the crunch of hardened snow under my boots. The clean white clinging to trees like they've been glittered with diamonds. I love seeing new birds, birds from the north seeking refuge where it's warmer, but not too warm. I love feeling drawn in close to home and my chosen family, celebrating with food and drink, honouring our heritage, our ancestors, and our bonds with each other. I love being warm inside and watching the wind howl and snow swirl outside. 

I love hearing the earth stir in her sleep.

When I was younger and my life was run by school time, the seasons seemed to have less meaning than they do now. Summer meant freedom, as did Christmas, winter meant the occasional snow day. Fall was the embodiment of evil, the unwelcome return to drudgery and boredom. I had no appreciation for the season itself and what it meant.

 Maybe it's something I'm growing into with age, or as I get closer to my practice and spirituality. I feel the wheel turn, feel the earth in her cycles and know in my heart that every time has a purpose, snotty mittens and all.

IDGAF Initation Update

I'm really so bad at this, you guys.

I'm pretty sure all of my updates are "long overdue" by the time they happen. Drat.

I finished Essential Asatru. It had a slower start, and there was a lot of history crammed into the first section of the book that made my head spin a bit. It almost felt perhaps too condensed? Otherwise, a lot of rehashing what I found in the Practical Heathen, but with some new insights which were nice to have. I'll have to apologize, as I've actually had the book done for weeks. ... heh. Which means, since we also did our Lughnasadh ritual last month...

I'M DONE! WOO!

I started on a book I wanted to read purely for the hell of it:

 Enjoying it so far! I started to set up my altar for Rune work, but I'm not terribly happy with it right now. It feels...cluttered and yet empty, and just not laid out the way I want it to be.

Luughnasadh was done very late into August, since we wanted to wait for it to actually feel like "first harvest" (one thing I read and agreed 100% with in A Witch Alone was that the sabbats were once based not on fixed dates but on seasonal changes and would have moved around each year with things like last frost and first harvest.) Here is the garden in it's heyday:

It is starting to peter out pretty badly now, partly due to colder nights, and partly because the plants are all far too big for the containers they are in. In some cases this is my bad--I was more successful than I thought I would be. In some cases, like the tomato from my grandmother, everybody who got one this year says they were painfully slow to fruit (and then to ripen) but got explosively big very fast. So now it's a bit of a struggle, keeping everything alive to ripen fruit as much as possible before things have to be picked regardless of readiness. My pepper plants actually have peppers on them, small and not red yet--I am hoping beyond hope that we get at least a couple before the frost sets in, but it's hard to say. Lesson learned for next year--start everything earlier, and buy bigger pots!

Our pumpkin is ripening--we technically have 3, but two are so little they're likely going to be decor rather than pie filling. The one big one though, is a lovely size and is ripening up gloriously. I can't wait to roast this little bugger.

 That's only about 3 days difference in ripening. It'll be ready in no time at this rate!

Tonight I started further work on my staff, did some of the initial woodburning. The "cords" at the top are to set a space for possibly writing runes, not sure yet. The spiral shells were just an idea I had which I liked.

 I have another big update/story to tell, but I want to do that separately, and probably as a video, as my wrists/arms are in a lot of pain typing right now because of work.

We're working now, Renee and Drew and Amy and I, on laying out the framework for the IDGAF Initiation ritual. which Amy and I and Renee will be taking part in at this time. We're also considering doing a coven initiation ritual for the four of us to take part in, since we have never formally done so.

Stay tuned.

Long awaited (maybe) long overdue (very yes) pictures

Woo! I've only been promising to do this for...uh...how long?

Photos!

First is my current progress on my staff:

I have a crystal to set in the "fork", and I want to woodburn designs into it before I oil it.

I reworked my altar, using a cloth I got at Little Mysteries, and a statue of my guide Ayla I just finished painting. I took the fertility phallus down, and replaced it was a vase of wheat stalks, since we're into the early part of harvest season now. I have also reworked my corner altars, but I'll get photos of them next time.

You may notice in that photo that I have a new athame-- and it's pretty sparkle-tastic. I bought it, and then realized the package warned it might contain lead (more than likely in the brass pommel and guard.) So I coated it with a rustguard varnish, paint, glitter, and more varnish, one, to make it feel more unique to me, and two, to protect myself. I know handling lead itself isn't too bad, but I'm super paranoid about that stuff and don't want to be constantly running to wash my hands after handling it.

Plus, I think it looks badass.

I should also share, thanks to a friend who works at a leather/dead-animal-bits store, Renee and I now have a steer horn apiece, to clean and cure to use as drinking horns.

So stoked.

On Wednesday night we had a bit of a misadventure with a friend and a hanger-on she had been dragging about for awhile. It was probably one of the more formal and intense workings I've done...ever, really. The next night, I felt it prudent (since it's that time of year anyway, and because of everything that went down) to refresh, bless, and ward the apartment. All of the sigils have been renewed, and every means into and out of the house, including fan vents, taps, drains...have all been blessed.

I'm also happy to announce I'm almost done my IDGAF reading! I chose Essential Asatru by Diana L Paxson as my final book, and I only have about 30 pages left to go! I'll talk about it in greater detail once I'm done... This was only meant to be a quickie!

Night all, and enjoy the supermoon tonight!

Meat and P'taters

So I said I'd make a more beefy post, and I meant it.

I haven't been keeping on top of things nearly as well as I should be. Work got pretty intense about 3 months ago, and stayed that way for a really long time. I have a body that can't really handle the desk job I have; a lot of RS pain in my hands and wrists, my neck and back get messed up. Between the physical pain (and being unable to avoid it as we were call after call after call) I started getting a lot of spiraling mental health issues including panic attack and severe stress. Not out of the fire yet, but maybe it's cooling off a little...
Not an excuse, but I have at least been keeping my practice in my mind, and keeping up with my "walking meditations" I tend to do when I'm on my morning commute. And...

Guys my reading is caught up.

I've been beyond stressed out, since the very first book (The Norse Mythology monstrosity) took me twice as long as it should have, that I'd be in full blown panic crunch mode by now.

And then I blasted my way through The Practical Heathen's Guide to Asatru like a goddamn space cannon. And now, here we are, the trailing end of month five, and I'm maybe half an hour away from finishing book five, Witch: A Magickal Journey by Fiona Horne.

I wanted to touch base a bit more in-depth on my feelings about Practical Heathen. I went into it excited, since I was finally going to get the modern pagan/religious/spiritual perspective on the myths I read about in my first book.

First off, I was surprised at the number of little things I found I was reading about that have already been some part of my practice or belief, how many things "clicked". One of the bigger ones was the concept of animism - everything has a spirit, a soul, an energy. She refers to them as "wights", that everything alive or otherwise is a "wight". I've always felt this, and this has been a huge factor in my belief system since I considered myself pagan, and even a bit before I came around to that. Even manmade things and electronics. I tend to personify electronics I use a lot--my computer, my camera, my phone, the xbox--and get pretty attached to them. I honestly feel a lot of these objects absorb the energy of their makers, or their owners--a computer, like any tool, takes on some of the one who uses it. I've always had a stupid amount of luck with (most) of my electronics. I tend to get a lot longer out of them than is logical (says the gal who used to work in computer retail and knows how often things break down.) and usually I will try to fix them myself if me an' google can figure out how.

I really really liked learning about blots, and sumbles. She gave good examples of really simple solo rites, and more involved ones for groups or certain occasions. I'm a pretty firm believer that if your intention is in the right place, the only "wrong" way to do something is "half-assed", but it's nice to have a starting point for communication with the gods.

She was also very open-minded in acknowledging that certain heathens do things differently or that something is how "most" heathens do it, implying "not all". One review I read, and agreed with, is she was very fair in her discussion of Loki, actually devoting a small "annex" to the issue posed by his role in the mythology and whether or not he is worshipped. I knew there were heathens who do not like Loki, and there were "Lokeans" but didn't really understand the nature of the division or what the "norm" was. I feel like I sort of do now.

Overall I was a big fan too of her writing style. It tended towards more relaxed and informal in tone, which I seem to absorb from better than the more "mystical" or stuffy writing style. She threw in a bit of light humor and it was an easy, engaging read. I may look into reading Essential Asatru by Diana Paxson as my last book, to compare, but I haven't decided yet. 

On to Fiona Horne...

This book is pretty awesome. It's lightweight and kind of irreverent in the writing style, which seems to be my preference (see above) as it feels more conversational than academic or fluffy. I've openly giggled a bit more than once.

I'm not necessarily learning a lot about the craft in general that I wasn't already familiar with, though there are a TON of really good ritual and spell ideas in this book which I am absorbing into my mental arsenal of ideas for things. It makes the reading sometimes a bit awkward, as my impatient nature wants me to skip over spells for things I have no interest in (ie. a love spell) but I've been forcing myself to read this cover to cover, since even in a spell I have no specific use for, I may get ideas for something I WILL use.

One thing she seems to refer a lot to is the use of spoken words/phrases during spell work, something I've always had a hard time doing. My most powerful and effective spellwork has always had a spoken component, but I always feel silly saying things out loud. It's something I'm slowly trying to get over, as I think that it helps me focus a lot. She also talks a lot about using an athame. The athame has always been a trouble tool for me. I'm on my third. I'm always super enthused about them when I get it, but my enthusiasm always seems to taper off, like there's something that doesn't quite... fit. We'll see how number 3 does. I did put in a message to a local blacksmith about making a custom blade, which I'd fit my own handle to. I'd have to save up, but it may well be worth it--to have something crafted specifically for me, that I can then "finish" myself might make it more "mine".

I will get some photos soon, of my staff (which really does exist honest) and my altar with its lovely new cloth, and my crazy balcony garden.

Happy soon-to-be-Lughnasadh!

Quick Update

Hey everybody. Just a quickie.

Finished the Practical Heathen's guide to Asatru. Loved it. I don't know if I'd call myself asatru/heathen any time soon, but there were a lot of concepts discussed in the book that were already part of my practice or belief system in some way, under different names. I will write more on it soon, as I have some specifics I'd like to discuss.

My new book I've started is Witch: A Magickal Journey by Fiona Horne. I'm lucky to have a copy of it, which Amy/Jackalope had from back when it was in print.

More meaty update soon, I promise!